8 Things to do after “I Do”
My husband and I decided to save our money for a new house and have a Micro Wedding in May of 2020. It was an easy way to tell many of our family that we were not doing a big celebration and they were not invited.
After the “I Do’s” were said, we really settled into our roles and struggled to connect. We started experiencing intimacy and communication struggles. By our 1 year anniversary it was as if we were different people.
I am not going to say it was all him either, which is my usual MO. I was spending most nights after work and cooking for my step kids, just watching TV. It was as if I was watching us from above and thinking, how did we get so comfortable so fast?
I then decided to seak to infuse fun things back into our relationship as a married couple because we were just hyper focused on the kids and our jobs that we really didn’t have much left for each other.
Here are some ways we have reconnected after our “I Do’s”
#1. After work before we even start to think about “what’s for dinner?” we take a walk around our neighborhood. Sometimes we take the dog and sometimes we don’t but our kids now know that right after work, we need about 30 mins together. We talk about work, our day, our thoughts, moods, and give each other advise on challenges we faced throughout our day.
#2. Date nights are especially great for families with kids. It does not always happen weekly but lately we have made a good routine about it to let the kids fend for themselves for dinner and we go out. Sometimes it’s a restaurant, sometimes we just go to the gym together., sometimes we get drive through and go park in Edmonds to watch the sun set!
#3. Spiritual practices are always a great way to connect as a couple. I am not here to tell you what to believe or how to believe. I am here to tell you that even though my husband and I have some very different views on our spiritual journey, we do agree that for us, it is important. We have meditated, prayed and listened to spiritual music together. It is especially helpful when we are faced with life’s challenges like our most recent, the house closing got delayed.
#4. House projects have allowed us to bond immensely! My husband used to own a landscaping business way back when he was young. He has been teaching me a lot about composting. Over that last two years we have composted and created this most amazing soil to put on all my plants. It is beginning to look like a jungle around here! Whether it is something one or both of you already know how to do, or it is something you learn together, outdoor projects where you have to get your hands dirty can create an amazing connection between you two. As a couple you take something gross and ugly and turn it into something rich and hearty to grow pretty things for the house or the garden.
#5. Do a sport together. Now maybe you are not a sport junkie or maybe both of you don’t stay active but allowing you to get your hearts pumping together will really ignite the attraction again. My husband and I had an extremely passionate relationship in the beginning. Now when I see him working out across the gym, I am so turned on and love to pursue him. It has done wonders for us to get our workouts in and occasionally go over to the other to flirt with each other.
#6. Once a month, we request to go into work late and then stay late. We make coffee, lay in bed and talk, caress and get out of our routine of intimacy at night only. Sometimes we leave to get coffee and a donut at our favorite café and then come straight back to bed. We usually request about 2 hours together. We realized that if our jobs, kids, friends, etc, come before our relationship, it causes a break in the connection. Taking time to be together at an odd time that is outside our routine, helps us keep the connection.
#7. Set Goals together. What are some dreams you have always had? For me, It was to do weddings and events in other states. When I booked my first wedding in San Diego, my husband came with me. Part of the trip he was my assistant and helped make the wedding day go smooth. The other part of the trip was us celebrating the achievement of my goal over mimosas and bloody mary’s on the beach! His next goal is to speak at the regional Veterinary conference in Las Vegas and when that opportunity comes, we already plan that I go with him and we go out afterwards to celebrate.
#8. Get creative! Now, I am the first to admit that I am not very good at creative writing! However, I will admit that I did blow my husband away at our last connecting activity. We sat down to write a short piece together. He picked my topic and I picked his. We set our timer for 10 minutes and each wrote a story or a memory down. Then after 10 minutes, we each shared our writing with each other. It was a great way to learn more about each other and then get vulnerable with each other.
These are just a few things we like to do together. You may not like these ideas and that’s OK! Just make up your own adventures and traditions!
Enjoy!